32. More Noble Goals

Self-retreat can be healing only if we intentionally dedicate our time to reflection, getting a clearer picture of what’s happening, and becoming a better version of ourselves.

However, detaching can be highly counterproductive if I focus only on the negative. To avoid a suffocating situation, I must have an object of the exercise that is more noble than my selfish daily needs. My idea about such intent is to improve my performance and, consequently, relationships to build a network to help me realize my potential.

Limiting one's desires to achieving only material well-being can lead to disappointments and irritation if the wishes are not fulfilled within the expected time for various reasons: reality does not offer us the necessary opportunities, the people around us are limited in their ability to provide us with what we want, or we cannot afford their assistance. 

This is when I start feeling it is time to change something: my goals, the surrounding environment, or myself. 

A big alarm bell goes off when I realize I am about to deal with people who want to impress visitors with elegant furniture and opulent interior design of their offices: it is not the level of my inspiration. I wish them all the best, for heaven's sake, but I don't feel economically comfortable asking them for favors. I’ll be honest with you: for me, an attempt to evoke respect and awe through the exposition of wealth smells like mold and means that people place much more importance on their status than on positive online recommendations, and I automatically assume their way of dealing with modern problems may not include modern solutions. 

I'm certainly not the one, who can be impressed by luxurious facades. Luckily for me, we can always find simpler and more available people in our world. Miracles do happen sometimes: it is still hypothetically possible to get a generous helping hand from agents with overly inflated self-esteem, but I prefer it to be a pleasant surprise rather than a last resort. 

On the other hand, the conspicuous carelessness towards the official space of the meeting place is also alarming. When they are not concerned about the impression they make, they will most likely treat my needs carelessly as well. 

If you’re always busy, you hardly notice nature, but our environment affects our emotional state: in a dark, dense forest we feel differently than in a sunlit flower meadow.

After I have created my suppositional circle of trust, I can start thinking about my presentation. Finding the right line of behavior takes practice, and I shouldn’t be too self-critical because communication is two-way traffic. The mutual warm feeling depends on the disposition of both parties. The fantasy of perfection that some people draw in their heads is a mystery for the interlocutor. All I can be is myself as I am at the moment. Even if they say that the world is our mirror, we must understand that we too mirror the surrounding energy. How many of us have developed the ability to influence and dominate our surroundings? That’s not easy: our voice is not supposed to tremble even once!

Failing to find common ground on the first try is not a reason to stop communicating in principle. Quitting forever can drive us into a corner from which we may not find our way out of the shell. I remember the meme with a person who painted the floors towards the farthest corner of the room, from which he could step only on the freshly colored area. We must paint our floors only towards the entrance door, starting from the farthest corners, which means we should always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you, have a nice day!

We must learn to accept ourselves and others as we are here and now, and hope for improvement and mutual understanding in the future. Let us prepare ourselves, even before an interaction, to forgive each other quickly and intentionally. 

A self-improvement strategy must include self-reflection: I need time for self-analysis. Until I am sure of myself, I sit like a gopher in a hole, reflecting on my situation, which means I have painted my floor to a corner from which I cannot get out and I have to wait about 24 hours or more in a very uncomfortable position. But then, when I need to go to a meeting, I go, having a rough draft of reasons that I have figured out in my angle. And whatever happens, I’ll end it with a “Have a nice day!” It’s just a matter of habit.

As long as my goals are simple and understandable to most people, I don't expect to encounter stiff resistance or ridicule.

But once I want to get extra treatment, things get more complicated. If I want that special treatment, there is only one thing I can do, and that is provide long-term value to the public. 

Not all problems can be solved with money, but many can: they are just expenses. Developing your self-worth is a belief, that you follow relentlessly until everyone else believes in you and then maintain it until the last day of existence. It is like going to the gym, but rather than working out your muscles, you work on your soft and technical skills. So, you don’t have to spend a sky-high amount on furniture to impress your visitors: they will know that you are a quality professional without seeing golden frames on the walls of your office.

Every person believes they should be treated well by default. Friendliness is nothing special in a normal world (in case you didn’t know) but an absolutely normal attitude towards people, which requires no emphasized gratitude. That is why being nice to others may not feel rewarding at first. But a long-term reward is that, sooner or later, we all live in a normal world, where even the slightest antipathy seems abnormal.

Suppose you find the injustice too hard to bear. In that case, you need to think of our much less fortunate ancestors and the opportunity for our descendants and those who believe in reincarnation, and therefore for ourselves, to live in a normal world.